When I was a kid I used to watch my dad shave. I was fascinated by the entire process. I’m probably not alone in that.
It started with the spreading of Rise shaving cream all over his face. The smell of the shaving cream, mixing with the steam of the hot water filling the sink is a fond memory of my childhood. There’s something different about the fragrance of shaving cream. I can never get enough of it. The fragrance seems to grow legs and run when I knows my nose is on the prowl. There was nothing to match dad’s shaving cream.
My earliest memories of dad shaving have him using a safety razor. That thing scared the bejesus out of me! My dad was perhaps the most technically skilled people on the planet, in my eyes, because of his ability to wield that razor without leaving a pound of flesh in the bowl of the sink.
Before too long he switched to one of the many disposable models…with, oh boy, twin blades!
The sound of the blade working its way through his whiskers is one that has stuck with me. It was loud and sounded oh so rugged. Shaving my own face has never sounded the same. It was an earthy and elemental sound that compares to nothing else.
When the shaving was done, he would do an inspection in the mirror, using his hands to make sure nothing had been missed. It would all be finished off with a splash of Hai Karate. (Why did they have to stop making that perfect green elixir before I was old enough to smell just like dad?!)
The experience ended when dad drained the water from the sink. That left a shaving cream and black whisker skin clinging to the porcelain. A pretty disgusting end to such an elemental experience.
As puberty approached I got that lone, disgusting hair on my chin. I couldn’t wait to shave that tree trunk off my chin: my first whisker! If I’d only known about the lifetime of maintenance, nicks and “Oh, man…can I skip shaving just this one morning?” that lay ahead!
For the past several years I have had a strong preference for the Gillette Fusion Shaving System. That’s right…it’s a system. And a fine system it is! I spent more than a decade with a beard so I was out of the shaving scene for quite some time. After losing a bet several years ago that sent me back to the blade, I tried a large variety of whisker-shearing implements. The Fusion has been the clear winner in my book.
Nothing else has felt so good. The first handle I bought for it was one of those that accepted a battery so that it could vibrate during the shaving process. A gimmick I admit, but it made the whole boring endeavor a little more interesting and official. At the risk of having my Geek Card revoked, once that first battery ran out, I never replaced it. So now I shave without the floor show.
The Fusion cartridge has five blades. Amazing, isn’t it? Within a few years we went from a large, naked blade resembling a machete to these multi-bladed devices encased in protective plastic, bounded by lubricating strips and GPS units. I’ve given the entire thing an awful lot of study and I’ve determined the reason I like the Fusion so much is not so much the number of blades. Rather, it’s the fact that the blades are exposed — the running water can race in between the blades and clean out the smudge. That makes each post-rinse pass crisp and clean. I can feel the sensation!
So, I’m a fan. These blades are a marvel of modern science and engineering. But the price! Is it worth it? I mean, I just bought four cartridges for $15!!! That’s totally insane! Is a clean-shaven Aaron really worth that much? I’m not sure. So given the high price, I tend to use each cartridge way too long. They have a guilt-inducing throw-me-away-and-buy-a-new-one strip on them that indicates when replacement is “suggested” … which in my experience is after two swipes over my chin. I manage to get almost a month out of each one, sometimes it ain’t pretty…but then I’m not a pretty-boy.
Which is why I’m thinking of writing about this today because this morning, I loaded a fresh cartridge! Oh, I’m sure you’re with me here! So smooth! So comfortable!!! So clean!!!! I wish I had a fresh cartridge for every shave. But until those huge royalty checks start to roll in, I’ll be milking each cartridge until the level of rust resembles a ’76 Pontiac on a Detroit side street.
So this morning while I was prepping for the joy of the new blade, I noticed something on the package. I purchased the new blades at Albertson’s. Very expensive blades though they are, notice the warning message! This scares me more than the “…without express written consent of Major League Baseball…” warnings! What’s with this?
My first thought is that something has happened to cause this grocery chain to add these stickers. I mean, there’s got to be some cost, labor and effort involved in getting these labels on the packages. So apparently energetic individuals are making a business of stealing shaving blades from stores and…egad…SELLING THEM ON THE BLACK MARKET!
It makes perfect sense that they would bypass the booze, the drugs, the toe-nail polish (perfect for sniffing) and the chocolate to steal the much-sought-after shaving blades! I know when I’m down on my luck and looking for a thrill, I say “If only I had some hot blades!”
I guess I can rest easy tonight knowing that the really accomplished thieves are scoping out Walgreens and my neighborhood is safe for terror and mayhem.