Online meeting, teleconference, videoconference, Webex, Teams, Google Meet, BlueJeans. There are, and have been, way too many methods to do it, but having a screen-share and collaborating remotely is now the norm.
Did you ever get any training on how to conduct yourself in said meetings? I sure didn’t, and I doubt you did, either. Your cube farm lords probably gave you a link to the tool-of-the-week, and off you went.
I’ve had years of experience using a variety of these tools – I likely spend 50% of my working life looking into the teeny portals of colleagues in their homes, coffee lounges, car shops, veterinarians, libraries or airport restrooms. Being the helpful fellow that I try to be, and to help you have more successful meetings, I’ve assembled a few points to help you along the way. I assure you, abide by these and you’ll be a success!
- Never join a meeting on time. Especially if you’re the host. Be a good several minutes late. This allows everyone else time to chill, relax and engage in forced-friendly banter about nothing at all. Your colleagues will respond with warmth and support when you draw attention to yourself by your fashionable arrival.
- Whatever microphone device you use, make sure it is broken, dirty and far away from your face. Otherwise, attendees will hear you clearly and won’t be able to ask you to repeat yourself or completely misunderstand what you just uttered. It’s so much more useful when folks hear “You can spend up to $5,000” when what you really said was “I have to let the dog out.”
- Prior to starting the video on your call, ensure that your camera is pointed anywhere but squarely at your face. The floor is an excellent choice. The ceiling isn’t a bad option, either. Wait until you’re broadcasting your camera hither and yon before you yank, twist, shake, wobble and vibrate the device to get yourself in frame. You know how you see news readers on TV, squarely set in the frame, their entire face visible? Never do that. Zoom in on your nose, an ear or chin. People don’t need to be seeing your nonverbals. The collar view is always a winner.
- The workday can be awfully mundane and grey. You can improve the mood by adding just the right audio to uplift the day. Ask your significant other to vacuum up Bobby Joe’s LEGOS during your session. Or tune the radio to your favorite AM-talk frequency. Of course, any random television program, audible in the background, also is a fine choice.
- Need to step away to answer the door, or a call of nature? You might think it’s a good idea to mute your audio and stop your camera, but you’d be in an incorrect position there, my friend. No, it’s much better to distract everyone by getting up, making squeaky-chair noises, displaying the backside of those cute Underdog stretch-pants you got for your birthday, as you waddle away. Your team needs to know that you’re departing, and you’ll do some important team building by sharing your wardrobe choices for the day.
- You’re busy, you’re working on a lot of projects. This is your opportunity to muddle the details of all of your work together when you’re in an online meeting. Just because the agenda is about choosing a new color to paint the breakroom, that’s no reason you can’t talk about next quarter’s sales projections, how accounting mucked up your travel reimbursement or how you’re having a hard time getting Edgar in sales to give you the updated pricing you need. Cast a wide net – you never know when your random thought will be just the nugget of information someone else needs. Squirrel!
- When it comes time to share your screen, the first thing you must do is open at least seven windows. More if you have the time to do so. Whatever window you want others to see should not be opened. It’s far better to let the team see you hunt through your Amazon shopping cart, the Slack message where you are venting to your friend about the odors coming from the next cubicle and the Excel document where you’ve broken every cell reference, than to go directly to the pertinent document. No, the key here is to let everyone know how disorganized and scattered you are. They’ll sympathize more with you and be even more appreciative when you realize you don’t have the required file open at all and must go folder-diving for it. Let’s see, is that on my local drive or on the network…?
- Once you’ve got that document on-screen, you want to force people to really focus and pay attention – so keep that window small. Whatever you do, don’t scare them by making it full screen. If you drag that window to a small size, the others will have to lean in, adjust their lenses, and really commit in order to see that PowerPoint, complete with runaway animations, mis-matched fonts and totally random spacing.
- While you’re presenting, you want to do all you can to prevent the screensaver from kicking in. Imagine your embarrassment if that were to happen! So, move that mouse! Make that pointer hit as many pixels as you can. Add variety to the movements by scrolling up and down in your document. Scroll left and right if the format allows! Randomly switch to your shopping list, email and then back to the key document. Highlight something, navigate away from the document altogether, minimize it all — show your messy desktop! Movement is what makes for a stimulating and engaging session.
- You know you’re the bee’s knees – folks cherish their time with you! Don’t deny them more time with your cool self! Whether you’re running the meeting, or just a participant, the end time on the invite is a mere fiction. Keep talking, bring up the most unrelated, already-covered and nonsense points you can think of. The goal is to keep the meeting going. The longer the meeting goes on, the more your name will be remembered within the organization, and solidify your reputation as a solid performer.
I hope these points will help you be a winner in your next online meeting. And if all else fails, simply pretend to have missed the invite, and skip the meeting altogether — your absence will make them miss you all the more.